Mom,
    I have not talked to you for a while now and so I am writing to tell you what is going on.  I have this friend you know the one that I was helping when you were in the hospital, well she is going back to Japan on Tuesday morning and I am really sad.  I never thought that I would lose you and now I feel like I am losing my friend also.  I am so sad right  now and I miss you so much.  Today Kadi said "Mama I am going to miss them" and I tried to comfort her while she was talking.  Then I thought about calling you to tell me what it was you used to say to me when we went away and left friends.  I realized how much I couldn't remember about all the people that we knew from each of our homes.  I have to wonder if that is a defence that I have made to deal with not wanting to lose anyone again.  I don't know how to navigate this water of parenthood without you.  I know that Carolyn is trying to make me feel better and fill up the place that is hurting so badly but it is just not the same.  I hope you are sitting at the feet of Jesus so filled with love.  I hope you are spending your time getting to know my three babies that you get to hold and I do not.  I hope you are with your dad and laughing you butt off.  I loved you, I love you and I will love you until I see you again.  You can bring me my babies and we can love on them together.  Talk to you soon I hope next time I have something happier to say to you.